Sexy Girls Have It Easy

That’s the name of this awesome and fascinating documentary (god I sound like I should be saying that in a British accent on a BBC nature show). It’s about how one woman goes and tries to get free stuff. Only, she tries to get all the same free stuff, but in two outfits– one is her regular self, and one is a dolled-up, conventionally pretty, big-haired version. Aaaaand the conventionally pretty version gets 20.5 pounds (it’s set in Britain) more free stuff. There is something really fucked up about society when looking conventionally pretty gets you monetarily rewarded.

Whoops- I can’t figure out how to embed the video, so here’s the link to the article I found about it.


Sexism for the Kiddies

All women need to be taught from an early age that staying fit, freakishly skinny and perky is pretty much our goal in life. Oh wait– we shouldn’t be taught that? Whoops, Skechers made a boo-boo. Because for some reason that is beyond my comprehension, Skechers has decided to market their “shape-ups” to little girls, letting them know that it’s never O.K. to be anything other than twig-thin! YAY for corporate America!

Speaking of corporate America, the haters amongst thou might be wondering why this is such a big frugging deal. After all, it IS corporate America. I shouldn’t be surprised that the fat men in tuxedoes wearing top hats and smoking cigars are trying to sell as many of a product as possible, even if that means marketing it at kids. But I can be pissed off that they decided to market it to only little girls. Because, children, boy’s bodies are generally just fine the way they are, but girls need to undergo heavy modification from the time they are born! If Skechers was just trying to make a profit they’d be selling these shoes they’d be selling them to boys too, but NOOOOO. No, they insist that paying $50-$75 to give your sweet lil’ princess body image issues is the logical way to go.

So how is Skechers trying to remedy this? By sending out a spokesperson to claim that they’re just trying to cure childhood obesity! Which is a huge epidemic in case you hadn’t noticed! See! We’re just like Michelle Obama! Remember? She did that “Let’s Move” thing to try to help childhood obesity? So now that’s what WE’RE doing!

Ah-hem. Well, for one thing, Mobama isn’t aiming for little girls. She is aiming at the entire demographic of rugrats. And Michelle was more about actually getting healthy, which, for your information, Skecher’s Shape-Ups don’t help you do. In fact, they will fuck. You. Up. Buttloads of people have complained about hurting themselves in various, unfortunate ways, like having stress fractures in your hips, rolled ankles and other miscellaneous problems with your little tootsies (by that I mean feet). So, the moral of today’s story is… no matter what age you are, if you’re a woman you’re never skinny enough and GETTING skinny enough is worth cracking your hips? I shalt pass on this one, kthnxbai.

Women: They’re Just Too Sexy

Fun Fact of the Day: Women are just too sexy for the public. It’s true. That seems to be the super-Orthodox Hasidic newspaper Der Tzitung’s point of view, anyway. Violating guidelines explicitly stated on the official White House flickr page, they decided to go ahead and photoshop the only two women (Hillary Clinton and Audrey Tomason) out of an image of a counterterrorism conference.


Apparently, Hillary Clinton’s yawn or cough or whatever was just too “sexually suggestive” to be seen by the public. Seriously, have you ever seen a picture more pornographic than this? I mean, this is the kind of stuff teenage boys hide under their mattresses. But… what was poor Audrey Tomason doing? Just standing there, looking… like a woman. Come on! You can’t even see their boobs!

The Original Picture

The newspaper eventually printed this crock of shit photoshopped picture instead.

According to the magazine, they don’t believe that pictures of women should ever be printed. I, obviously, have a problem with this.

I understand that many religions have a focus on chastity and modesty. O.K, that’s one thing. But Hillary wasn’t dancing in her skivvies on the table to “Sexyback”. She was not sucking a lollipop and winking seductively at the journalist. NO! She was yawning, or coughing, or something. The fact that merely having women in the picture was too sexually provocative asserts that men are the target demographic (I’m assuming the readers are straight for convenience’s sake. Also, if lesbians ran the world, this would never happen). Out of a group of straight readers, who are the ones who might find Hillary and Audrey provocative? Men. Nobody is complaining that women might get lady-boners from Prez Obama’s intense stare. Because women can’t read! Women aren’t interested in politics! Hahahahaha! What a silly idea. There is a constant double standard in our society; there is one accepted way to be a woman, and myriad different accepted ways to be a man. And guess what? The one way to be a woman? It’s impossible, guys. Nobody can be that thin– but not anorexic. Nobody can be that giggly and sweet– and mean it. Nobody can have perfect hair, or perfect boobs, or always be in a good mood, and nobody WANTS to always defer to men (I hope). And Hillary and Audrey have strayed off that perfect path just by being powerful women in the same room as powerful men. They are just as much a part of history as any of the men in that room. They have just as much of a right to be in that picture. It is the constant portrayal of women as “other” that means people can see a woman as merely a sex symbol, instead of a respected professional. Because if women were truly seen as human beings, then people would see them as politicians, not as constantly sexual.

And there is just something about the whole idea that reeks of rape apologism. The idea that women, just by existing in a room, can incite lust? Can make men lose control? Like I said, Hillary and Audrey weren’t exactly doing a burlesque routine. They were appropriately dressed and behaving just like all the men in the room. But because they are women, they are too sexual. This kind of mindset just furthers that if men are turned on, they lose control of themselves, they aren’t responsible. The newspaper is just perpetuating the myth that it is the woman’s fault for inciting lust, and that she deserves punishment; in this case, being photoshopped out. In a real life situation, being raped. Not only does this hurt women, it just seems downright insulting to men. It seems a little insulting to say that men are all beasts who have no self control. We are all human– women are not sex symbols, but people. Men are not sex-machines, but people.

Can we all start thinking that?

Oh, and by the way– even if Hillary were to come to work in a cardboard box with eye holes she would get bad P.R. If she’s not sexy enough, they say she’s frumpy and letting herself go. If she’s too sexy, they say she’s inappropriate for a politician. Such is the life of a powerful woman. Hey, even if Hillary was in sweatpants and a sweatshirt she’d look better than that guy right behind Obama, and no one’s yelling at him for letting himself go.

Rabbit Does More Than Fume

In my recent post, Rabbit Fumes In the Back Row, I yelled about someone making a “go make me a sandwich” joke during an school council election speech; one that I’m pretty sure has to be approved by teachers. This made me really, really, really angry. Like, time to bring out the feminist adamantium claws angry. (If you didn’t get that, go read Rabbit Fumes in the Back Row). It pissed me off to such an extreme degree, in fact, that I decided to do more than yell on my blog.

Yep! I wrote a letter. I am still communicating with teachers to figure out how to send it to the right people, but I’ve started to figure it out. I’m actually a little shaky because I got this huge adrenaline rush writing it. Talk about a feminism nerd. Then again, I’m the girl who wears her homemade Betty Friedan and Kathleen Hanna pins pretty much every day.

Speaking of Kathleen Hanna, I want to thank Bikini Kill and my mom. Because you know I had on my headphones on and was growling along to “White Boy” as I wrote the letter. And also, my mom is pretty much Awesome Feminist Mom and she helped me figure out who to send it to and such. Seriously, though, my mom is sitcom-mama levels of awesome. You know how on cheesy sitcoms the sidekick will have a parent that represents a minority or “very special issue”? Like the sidekick’s dad will be gay and explain on the show how gays are just like everyone else* or the mom will be a feminist? Yeah, well my mom isn’t a creepy sitcom mom, but she’s pretty great. I would not be a feminist without her. And no, she didn’t brainwash me by reading me The Female Eunuch while I was still in utero or something. She just happens to be a asskicking strong woman who I admire and who is awesomely independent and who even let me play with Barbies and read Seventeen until I went on my walkabout in the Australian bush and met my spirit animal. My spirit animal is Simone de Beauvoir, by the way. I sort of wish it had been a bear or something though. Simone de Beauvoir is much harder to carve into a totem pole than a bear, or fish, or eagle or something.

The text of my letter is below, although I censored some stuff. While normally I am entirely against censorship, I would prefer not to give away anyone’s names or the school I go to, because for all I know you are a creepy stalker. So I will have to settle for writing myself a stern letter about the harms of censorship.

To Whom It May Concern:

During yesterday’s assembly, a comment was presented as humorous; however, I found it to be personally offensive as well as sexist and degrading. In (student name)’s speech, she suggested that we create incentives for students to attend events; she quoted several students, including one who claimed that an incentive for them would be “a woman who would make them a sandwich”. The connotation of this joke is that a woman’s voice is not important, and that their role is to shut up and serve men. This is a pretty common “joke” that is always inappropriate, oppressive, and intended to silence women.

I was surprised and concerned that no (school name) adults made any effort to intervene and that it was passed off as humorous. At (school name), we pride ourselves on our tolerance and I know that no comments that were similarly oppressive, such as a racist joke, would never be allowed. As a young feminist, I was appalled and offended that this was allowed. I don’t feel safe in an environment that would support sexist comments without any reprimand. Jokes that demean my worth as a young woman do not make me want to attend (school name) events, and it is debasing to all the young women at (school name) to hear these kind of misogynistic comments in a supposedly fun environment like an assembly. I hope that this can be addressed soon.




*This would be great, if I didn’t hate sitcoms as a general rule. And the “very special episodes” are always super patronizing.


Here, Young Man, Your Hormones Are Raging

I think I’m a little late on this, bear with me.

So apparently in Montana Ken Peterson, a 75-year-old Mormon Republican senator (sounds like my kind of guy, right?) is basically the guy who kept the anti-sodomy law alive and kicking in Montana. I’m not even going to go into why having anti-sodomy laws is wrong, because if you don’t know you should probably not be reading this blog. His reasoning for keeping the law from being banished into the pits of oblivion? Because, well, otherwise gay men might just get it on in public constantly. Like, on playgrounds at recess where small children run and frolic until they see Bill and Jim banging on the jungle gym. We all know they’re too horny to contain themselves, amIright? (read the last few sentences with dripping sarcasm) And also, seeing gay people kiss makes you gay, homo, in short, a pansy, to be denounced by real men and women with plastic breasts and dyed blonde hair.

Studies done by the University of Non-Idiocy have proved that seeing two people of the same gender kiss does not switch your orientation,* and if it does, you seriously needed to come out of the closet anyway. And if good sir Ken Peterson is so worried about gay people “converting” the oh-so-pure straight folk, shouldn’t he be more concerned about horny teenage boys looking at fakity-fake lesbian porn? Because even though those actresses are probably straight and not actually representative of lesbian relationships, they are still OMG HOLY CRAP TWO GIRLS KISSING WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO. And horny teenage boys are impressionable! They might all go gay and start, I don’t know, carrying out items from the homosexual agenda**! And wearing pink! LE GASP!

But Ken Peterson is no dummy. He has proof that our young, impressionable, noble, intelligent, All-American (and most importantly, straight) boys will be turned to gays. After all, he points out, what teen boy could refuse if a gay man said unto him,

Here, young man, your hormones are raging. Let’s go in this bedroom, and we’ll engage in some homosexual acts. You’ll find you like it.

…Wait, what? Yeah, that was an actual quote from Ken Peterson! Obviously, those devious gays will use their powers of awkward sexual propositioning to… Honestly, I laughed for five minutes straight (ha ha! pun not intended) after reading that. That is possibly the most hilarious/disturbing piece of anti-gay propaganda I’ve ever heard. What gay man would actually say this? I know gay men. None of them talk like Russian pedophiles that learned English from reading Dick and Jane books (though I’m not sure Dick and Jane ever propositioned anyone on the basis that their “hormones were raging”). This is so ridiculous it’s hard to make fun of it. But I’m going to have a hard time not running up behind my friends and purring it creepily into their ears.

Let’s get our act together and realize that seeing two dudes make out does not a homosexual*** make. Also, I’m pretty sure the LGBTQ community isn’t that prone to just randomly screwing on the streets. At least no more than hets.

*Although a friend and I do have a joke that smacking someone on the head and yelling, “Coulda hadda V8″ changes your orientation. Smack a straight person once, and they’ll become bi. Smack ’em twice, and they’ll turn gay. And vice versa for everyone else. This is scientifically proven stuff, guys.

**”Homosexual agenda” is one of the two phrases (the other is “panda farts”) that never fails to crack me up. It just sounds so old-white-homophobic-right-wing guy. I mean, what is the homosexual agenda? All men are required to run about singing showtunes? Flannel shirts must make up exactly 75% of any given woman’s wardrobe (20% is jeans, 4% is hiking boots, and 1% is all the underwear that’s left after we burn our bras)?

Ask Rabbit (A.K.A. Vaginas Are UFOs)

Yesterday in English we had to do a cool assignment where everyone cut out headlines from a newspaper, stuck them in a shoe box and then we drew them out and made poems out of them. The assignment in and of itself was more fun than my new Doc Martens*, but that is not the point. The point is that I saw this advice column. I do not remember what the question was, as it was entirely inconsequential to the misogyny that took place. I think it had something to do with cop cars. Anyway, not-so-charming author seemed to be a real First Degree MisogyDouche of the Highest Order, so I ripped out the offending quote** and stuffed it in my backpack.

…Never seen the phenomenon you describe… and my first impulse was to dismiss it as just another piece of unsubstantiated hearsay, like UFOs, or the female orgasm.

Do you perhaps see where I’m going with this? Dr. Asshole has decided that the female orgasm does not exist. Nope, those crazy women keep saying that it’s there, but no woman I’ve ever had sex with has had an orgasm, so they must not exist. Paging Dr. Asshole, you are probably just horribly, terrifically, catastrophically shitty in bed. And yes, I do realize that he is probably employing the fine, fine art known as hyperbole. But hyperbole is no excuse for a joke made in poor taste. You can’t go around making racial slurs and then claim it was all hyperbole.

I feel like I should call up a global meeting to alert all of the idiots who seem to think that because guys apparently*** think that because women don’t always come easily, female orgasm is unimportant. Believe me, boys, if you think this, they’re not sexin’ you up because of your charisma, so I’d say that female orgasm is pretty important. And honestly, the lady is probably not just having sex with you because she really, really, has tons of fun not getting off, so if she wants to come, shouldn’t it be an obligation to at least try? Instead of dismissing it as a freaking UFO. The whole, “female orgasm is soooo hard, though, and I already came, so…” is just another way to subjugate female pleasure (heterosexual female pleasure, anyway) and make it easier for guys to get off while girls… don’t. And don’t try to claim our culture isn’t built around men’s sexual pleasure; because the last time I went to a movie I saw a plethora of skinny girls with Dolly Parton Boobs, and yet not one male-model-turned-actor hanging about in an itty-bitty Speedo.

Not that Speedos are all that hot, in my opinion, but you get the idea. Guys are not encouraged to show off their package in public. Girls are, but not because they are actually getting off. Because, y’know, the female orgasm doesn’t exist. Vaginas are UFOs; Unidentified Fucking Objects.

*Just kidding. Nothing is more fun than new Doc Martens. The feeling of having new Doc Martens is sort of what I imagine being on ecstasy, holding a really fluffy baby bunny and meeting Joan Jett all at the same time would be like.

**Which is why there are so many ellipses, because the edges of the paper are all ragged.

***Being 14 and weird as hell, I cannot say I am an expert in these matters, so correct me if I’m wrong. Or don’t, actually. I don’t want to hear you talking about your dick/vagina/celery sticks/whatever you have down there.

OMGZ, You’ll Never Believe What Miley Cyrus Did, You Guyz

I am utterly sick of the news. Yahoo is my homepage, and every time I open Safari I have to see some obnoxious headline declaring that Katy Perry’s really outdone herself this time! Or now we have figured out EXACTLY what guys think is smokin’ hot on a first date, and you two can learn all the secrets of being a sexy, sexy beast. And then there will be a tiny little link to something important, like, “World Has Decided That Women Are Second-Class Citizens, Are Now Required To Wear Red V for Vagina”*

All of the big headlines seem to be some sort of proof that the world has been taken over by capitalism-loving, silicone-breasted, brain-lacking sex-zombies. And it’s really, really revolting that what Rihanna wore to the Rich People Getting Dressed Up Awards is considered  more important than… pretty much anything else. Nearly anything would be more important and interesting than that. Like an eighty page scholarly article chronicling the brain autopsy of a tapeworm.

*Ha, this is ironic. I just finished the graphic novel of V for Vendetta and WOW! That is a really, really fantastic graphic novel.

Rabbit is Rendered Speechless with Disgust

Iman al-Obeidi, a Libyan woman, may face charges for naming four men who raped her and held her hostage for two days, because instead of going to a police station and filing a case, she went to the media and released their names. Now their “honor is tainted”. In my opinion, it’s a hell of lot more than tainted. It is gone, flushed down the toilet, zip, nada, zilch, gone with the wind, over. It is no more. Well, assholes, maybe you should have considered how it would look on your resume before you gang-raped a woman. On Saturday, she entered a hotel full of foreign journalists and told them her story; she was forcibly removed and taken away. Now, she’s being held by the government, and her mother, Aisha Ahmad, has been called by the government who have told them to back down. A reporter for Financial Times, Charles Clover, gave the official misogynistic prickster comment as to her story’s truth: she “behaved very much like someone who had been through the events she was describing and did not contradict herself”.

At least he believes her, but that was an utterly disgusting comment, Charlie boy. I spy with my little eye… four different examples of Rape Culture! So, according to you, there is only one way to act after you’ve been raped, and if you don’t act that way, you’re not to be believed. And can we stop with the pretty-pretty-princess, heavens-forbid-we-offend-anyone-when-talking-about-rape, euphemisms for rape? Why is it so hard for him to say “rape” instead of “the events she was describing”? And any one with half a mind could tell you that women do not report rape just to “get back” at men, or whatever it is dickbags say these days. Reporting rape is not something any woman would take lightly, and 61% of rapes go unreported; believe me, no women are just “pretending” they were raped.

The whole thing is so utterly revolting. I hope Iman is freed quickly and her rapists brought to justice.

Read the original article here.

Today’s post brought to you by “Frat Pig” by Tribe 8. I would attach the audio, but I can’t figure out how, as my computer is acting screwier than a pro-lifer.

Scarily Fabulous Five-Year-Olds

Have you heard about Monster High dolls? They are the lovechild of two of the most sexist things ever to exist: Twilight, and Bratz dolls join in an unholy matrimony to make dolls of monsters (there’s a zombie, vampire, Cleopatra… how Cleopatra fits into this I don’t know) And now, they’re doing the world a favor by teaching five-year-olds to wax! Great, just what we all needed. The werewolf themed doll, named Clawdeen Wolf (oh so clever, aren’t they?) has a body hair problem. Really. If you go on their website and look at the doll’s profile (yes, they all have profiles) her “Freaky Flaw” is that she is hairy. And “plucking and shaving is definitely a full time job”. WHAAAAT?? And Clawdeen continues on to say, “it’s a small price to pay for being scarily fabulous”.

This is wrong on so many levels that I need a freaking elevator. It’s nauseating. Actually, I think it could have been a cool idea; IF they had made the supposed body hair VISIBLE on the doll. THAT would have been really awesome. But apparently it’s too much for Mattel; all dolls must be clean-shaven! It is a necessity; young girls are going to be looking up to these dolls (as much as you can look up to a 6-inch-tall toy.) and it would just be too much if young girls got the idea that being anything less than plucked and shaved and waxed is appropriate. And could the phrase “full time job” be any LESS appropriate in this situation? Last time I checked, it was sick to tell young girls that it is satisfying and fulfilling to spend all your time plucking and shaving. There are so many other productive things we could be telling young girls are important and fulfilling and interesting instead of, y’know, painful patriarchal beauty processes. And a “small price to pay”? Clawdeen, dahling, I think you would agree that if you tried actually having some fun once in a while we could all agree that spending all your free time getting rid of body hair is NOT a “small price”. It’s freaking huge! At that kind of a price I expect a jumbo jet and pet chimp named Bubbles.

A spokeswoman for Mattel says, “Girls of a certain age know about the embarrassment of unwanted hair in unwanted places”. First, your target demographic (5-7 year olds) does NOT know about the “embarrassment of unwanted hair in unwanted places”. In fact, NO GIRL OR WOMAN ON EARTH would know about this “embarrassment” if the patriarchy weren’t constantly telling us how embarrassed we are about this unwanted hair in our unwanted places. Do you see guys “of a certain age” blushing coyly because they’ve got some hair on their legs and being told to get a “full time job” waxing it all, instead of being encouraged to do sports or play an instrument or learn a language? I think not. Case closed.

Now imagine her with a mustache and super-hairy legs.