Sexy Girls Have It Easy

That’s the name of this awesome and fascinating documentary (god I sound like I should be saying that in a British accent on a BBC nature show). It’s about how one woman goes and tries to get free stuff. Only, she tries to get all the same free stuff, but in two outfits– one is her regular self, and one is a dolled-up, conventionally pretty, big-haired version. Aaaaand the conventionally pretty version gets 20.5 pounds (it’s set in Britain) more free stuff. There is something really fucked up about society when looking conventionally pretty gets you monetarily rewarded.

Whoops- I can’t figure out how to embed the video, so here’s the link to the article I found about it.

The Rebel Alliance

I have a problem with the term “ally”, meaning one who supports LGBTQ people and is not a bigoted jerkwad homophobe/heterosexist/cissexist/whatever kind of assholery one may choose to indulge in. If you want to know why, read this. It covers most of the points I could talk about, but I have a few more ideas.

The point of being an LGBTQ activist or ally is working to make the world a place that isn’t homophobic/heterosexist/cissexist (I’m just going to write homophobic from now on for speed but I mean all those good things). By world, we don’t mean, “whatever people decide to think that. We’ll just let those homophobic nutjobs do whatever they want”. By world, we mean everyone. We want to make the world a safe, fair and equal place for everyone, and have a world where, ideally, no one is homophobic. The term “ally” separates out straight and cisgender people who are not homophobic from those who are.

Fighting homophobia– ur doin it wrong.

Let’s get this straight. Actually, let’s get this queer. Being an ally and calling yourself an ally does not make you a bad person in my book. I appreciate you. I appreciate that you are not a brainwashed psycho clone who thinks the gays cause earthquakes by getting married (“I now pronounce you wife and w–AHHH!”). So “allies”, don’t take this the wrong way when I say that being straight and O.K. with gay people shouldn’t be special.

If a straight/cis person is working extremely actively to create awareness among straight/cis communities, raise visibility and make safe places for everyone, that is flipping fantastic. You deserve a big hug. Also, I will take you out to ice cream as soon as I’m not broke. But being, like, totally cool with gays! And having gay friends! Really isn’t that special.

We are working towards a world where that is the norm. Sadly, right now that is not always the norm. But being straight/cis and an “ally” (translation: You acknowledge that we’re both human beings even though you haven’t hopped on the Rainbow Train to GayVille yet) doesn’t really mean you’re… doing much. Sure, you don’t cross yourself whenever your trans pal comes around but that isn’t really an accomplishment in and of itself. You are just being a decent human being. Do you see what I’m saying?

Another point brought up in the article I linked to is that it just seems downright appropriative to make oppression you don’t feel a part of your identity. Everyone likes a revolution! And feeling righteous! (I know I do) And revolution+righteousness+rainbow flags=explosion of gay unicorn-dolphin epicness. But the thing about LGBTQ pride is that it’s needed because if someone doesn’t tell all the babygays like me it’s O.K., no one will.* Every single day is freaking straight pride day. Every single day the world (except giraffes! Giraffes are totally gay.**) is bombarded with images of straight/cis people with a few exceptions, most of them stereotypical and flat representations. Every single day there is someone who would tell me that I’m an abomination and that I should die.

It’s not fun, but that’s oppression for ya! *sarcastic grin and thumbs up* And yes, most people have some kind of privilege, whether it be white, male, straight, class, etc. A lot of people have some kind of oppression. But you can never completely understand someone else’s oppression– I, for instance, may be gay, and I may believe in/try to work towards social justice for everyone but I’ll never know exactly what it’s like to have someone look at me differently because of my skin color. Just as straight people will never know exactly what it’s like to feel awkward when you can’t say you don’t want to watch the freaking rom-com because you are SO SICK OF STRAIGHT ROMANCES IT’S NOT EVEN FUNNY JAKE GYLLENHAAL ISN’T EVEN THAT CUTE. Sorry. I get touchy about rom-coms. But even if you’re straight/cis and want to help LGBTQ people out? You’re still not oppressed. You are not an asshole, but there is no oppression there. How can you make an identity out of something that isn’t there?

Let me know what you think. This post might not be that coherent, I’m writing this late at night and I’ve been running on little to no sleep this week.

*That was a stupid sentence. “If someone doesn’t do it, no one will!” No shit, Sherlock.

**80% of giraffe sex is gaaaaaayyyy. Tell that to the next person who tells you gayness is unnatural and God did not create us that way. “So, why did he make the giraffes that way?”

Look how cute we are! And we're both girls! In love! How cute!

I Don’t

Bonjour, cool cats!

I just started reading The Meaning of Wife by Anne Kingston. It is pretty awesome. And, like all good books should, it started me thinking. Even if I were allowed to, I don’t plan on getting married. There’s just too much stigma attached to it for my taste. Marriage was conceived as a way to use women as currency, disguised as a religious commandment. Even with the religious background, though, in its early days, marriage’s ownership overtones wasn’t disguised that heavily.

In our current PC days, though, that would like, so not fly with those feminists. You know, the angry ones with hairy armpits from the 70s? They would be pissed. So how to convince generations of women to keep getting married? Tell them that marriage is the ultimate form of love, because every wants to be loved! And even I have to admit that the idea of getting dressed up in pretty clothes and swearing you’ll love each other until the end of time is honestly sweet. Don’t get me wrong; there are lots (hopefully most!) of married couples that adore each other. And I think commitment is important, especially if you want to have children (nothing against divorce; my mom has been divorced twice and it hasn’t killed me yet). But marriage in and of itself is not the ultimate form of love. And I don’t see the point in continuing a tradition that originally, had nothing to do with love, in the name of love. Does anyone else see why I think this is odd?

In addition to the tradition of wife-as-property, the wedding industry is eeeeviiilllll. *spooky voice* Consumerism is one of the main ways society subverts women. The obsession with having the “perfect wedding” leads to a year-long shopping spree, often with purchases of items that cost exponentially more because they have the word “wedding” tacked to the front. (Wedding Port-a-Potties!) Not to mention the completely exploitative shows like “Bridezilla”.* And (blarrrgggh) the belief that every little girl dreams about her wedding? When I was a little girl, I was fantasizing about having a pet dragon and riding it to school and all the other kids would be soooo jealous. The only thought I ever gave to marriage was being really sad that I’d have to give up my last name, which I was apparently extremely attached to, because I just assumed I was going to get married one day.**

And there is something about “wife” that connotes a certain personality. Type-A, tidy, with it, probably nagging, if not speed freak cheerful frighteningly cheerful about something. For something that is supposed to be able to include all women, that sounds pretty narrow (and unrealistic). In The Meaning of Wife, they mention that women actually try to change to seem more wifely. Er. As in, acting more demure, doing more dishes, etc. etc. Maybe taking some time to purchase a pink frilly apron. Guess what? Their husbands didn’t like this. Yeah, maybe because they married a human being who suddenly MORPHS INTO WIFE-BOT! Transformers, sexists in disguise! While I disdain the genre of humor consisting of middle-aged dudes complaining about how they married some hot lady who is now UGH! Letting herself go! Nagging! Wearing granny panties! Maybe there is a tiny kernel of truth to it. (That sentence hurt to write) If wives feel so much pressure to conform to this 50s, Feminine Mystique-esque stereotype that they’re actually trying to become that, they’re probably losing themselves. And the men who married them probably miss that old self, because you can’t love a stereotype. You can’t love the stress that comes with trying to be someone you’re not. You can love a partner who lives with you and shares chores with you and maybe raises kids with you and keeps house with you and sleeps and cuddles with you. But after all the problems that “husband and wife” have had in the past, it seems that “wife” is having a damn hard time adjusting to being a person who just happens to do all those things with their significant other as well.

And for Pete’s sake, keep your name or hyphenate. Please?

*I have never even seen this show. I would probably puke.

**No, little Rabbit! You don’t have to give up your last name! You can keep it! Or hyphenate! Or even not get up-and-marriaged at all!

“Luna” Is An Awesome Book Please Read It Now

Seriously, Luna by Julie Anne Peters is one of the very best books I’ve read in a long time. It young adult fiction, and it is about a fifteen-year-old girl, Regan, who has to cope with helping her transgender sister (MtF). It is well-written, intelligent, and honestly, just a really, really good story. I’ve read a lot of young adult LGBTQ books that the writing is sort of blah and the plot is predictable and nothing seems really unique besides the fact it has LGBTQ characters. But this book is amazing no matter how you look at it. Go check it out. (it is also an awesome introduction to thinking about the gender binary, because you can never start genderfucking too young*)

The only thing that irritated me about it was the placement in the library.

The first time I ever realized this book existed was a few years ago. I was probably around 8 or so, and looking through the young adult section. I picked up this book, Luna, and read the inside cover. The blurb on the inside is not that great; it doesn’t explain much (then again, transgenderism is complicated and you can’t really explain it in a blurb anyway) so all my eight-year-old mind took away was, “Boys dressing like girls? Yucky.” and I put the book down.

For some strange, strange reason the book stuck in my head. You know how you can never remember your grandpa’s birthday or your best friend’s brother’s name but you remember myriad strange little aspects of life? Well, I remembered that there was a book called Luna about a boy dressing like a girl (not really what it’s about, but hey, I was eight). And recently, having decided that boys dressing like girls is actually pretty badass and not yucky at all, I decided to go check it out. But I could not find the damned book. I literally scoured the young adult section. I can honestly tell you that I slowly checked every spine in the young adult section. And it was not there. I did this multiple times, just in case it had been checked out.

I really wanted to read that book.

So eventually, I did the logical thing and looked it up on the library computer. Why I didn’t do this earlier, I have no idea. My mind works in mysterious (and often inconvenient) ways. Anyway, it turns out I had been barking up the wrong tree (or the wrong lesbian, to quote Betty White from SNL). Luna had been moved to the adult fiction section.

So why the move?

Well, let’s see here. There are plenty of books with lots of sex and sexytimes in the young adult section; in Luna, nobody has sex, and I mean nobody. There is not even heavy petting. Not even a passionate make out scene. The main character has a crush on a guy. Maybe they kiss once, I dunno. Language-wise? That book swears less in the whole book than I do in half an hour.  And the writing is quite obviously aimed at teenagers. So why the hell did the High and Mighty Librarians** move the book?!

My guess is that it’s because it about transgenderism. Because heaven forbid a teenager who feels screwed up and depressed and is wondering why they don’t feel like a boy when they have a dick read a book that might make them feel like maybe someone gives a shit.

People can be such assholes.

*After reading that tumblr Guys Just Wanna Wear Skirts I am super into genderfuckery today. And how fun is the word genderfuckery? Genderfuckery genderfuckery genderfuckery…

**I have nothing against librarians. I wanted to be one, at one point. I just think this move was a total Master Douche act.

Yo, Sluts

Hello! Today’s edition of Rabbit the Feminist is brought to you by the letter S, for “slut” and also “shaming”. Let’s talk about slut-shaming, shall we? We can begin with a simple definition.

Slut-shaming is calling someone a slut, skank, whore, etc. because of how they act, dress, or whom they sleep with. Slut-shaming is when you assume someone is trashy, trampy, “low-class”, stupid, boy/girl-crazy, etc. etc. because they have a lot of sex. Not necessarily with the same person. Slut-shaming is when you say someone was “asking for it” because they were wearing a low-cut dress, or had had a few drinks, or are a stripper. Slut-shaming is the dehumanization of sex workers. Slut-shaming is attributing a set of negative traits to someone who happens to like sex. Slut-shaming is applauding virgins for keepin’ their legs closed. Slut-shaming is abstinence-only education, claims that birth control rarely works and that masturbation isn’t a viable alternative to sex/total abstinence. Slut-shaming is assuming that guys jack off but that girls have less knowledge of their nether regions than I have of the history of the lumber industry in Tibet. Slut-shaming is the belief that open marriages/relationships are devoid of real love and that being poly is just for greedy people. Slut-shaming is all this and a hell of a lot of other things as well, all bad.

Guess who slut-shaming happens to? Women. Because when men sleep around, they get high-fives. Guess what? I like high fives too, and I’m a girl.

Assuming that most of you are sane, kind people with half of a brain open-minded folks who don’t believe in calling gay people “fag”, “dyke” etc. etc. in a derogatory manner, let’s use this example. If you aren’t one of these people, either suck it up or leave, thankyoubye.

Calling someone a slut/skank/whore/etc. is like calling someone a faggot/dyke/other anti-gay slur. You are shaming them for their sexuality. It is none of your business who they get it on with/how they get it on/how many people they get it on with unless they really want to share with you. These are basic manners, peeps. Wast thou raised by wolves?

Also, guys rarely get slut-shamed. Sometimes they get called man-whore, but that’s more of a joke than anything else. Slut, skank, whore, etc. just don’t apply to men. Like I said, boys just get high-fives from their pals.

Gimme my high fives, dammit.

WHY DON’T THEY THINK I’M PRETTY

This is a real quote from a real Psychology Today article. I tried to read it but I couldn’t get past the first page because it was so disgusting. If you have a stronger stomach than I, you can check it out.

To understand what it takes to be beautiful, we need to be very clear about what being beautiful means—being sexually appealing to men

Fuck that. What about butch lesbians? The average hetero guy does not find them particularly sexually appealing, but they can still be beautiful. And men? Obviously, straight men (the article doesn’t seem to make any mention of any sexuality other than the straight and narrow) are not going to find men sexually appealing, but there are beautiful men. Oh, but wait– the whole point of the article is that women need to be gorgeous and spend their time becoming gorgeous; and by gorgeous they mean sexually appealing to men. Great, too bad I just chopped most of my hair off*, most guys don’t like that; oh well, even though I love my new haircut I guess I’ll go out and buy a platinum blonde wig because I hear that gentlemen prefer blondes. And the other point of the article is that men don’t need to give a shit, because if they are rich women will automatically become super horny and want to have super-sexy fun-times with them, mainly to access their jumbo-jets and caviar and other stuff rich people have. Oh, and in case the author of this ridiculous piece of elephant excrement that needs to be banished to the bottom of the ocean article hadn’t noticed, NOT ALL GUYS ARE THE SAME. When all straight dudes can only appreciate the blonde/skinny but huge boobs/tall but not taller than them/white/long legs/passive, doe-eyed kind of female it will be a sad day indeed. Because while I do not have anything against people who are naturally blonde/skinny but huge boobs/tallish/white/long legs I do have a problem with overly-passive people in general and I do have a problem with guys who think that is the only acceptably attractive type of woman.

It’s a little insulting to guys to say that that’s all they appreciate, isn’t it? Men are all different. They are not a homogeneous group. Gender isn’t that fucking confining. They won’t all like the same things in a woman, appearance-wise.

And I think personality has more to do with it than she thinks. Someone who isn’t conventionally attractive (or really attractive at all) could still be damn sexy, or funny, or sweet, or cute… And while that doesn’t matter in porn (in case you hadn’t noticed, they don’t do a whole lot of character development), it matters in life. Because HEADS-UP, assholes, porn is not life. And while porn is about getting you off, and therefore about appearances, life is not about getting you off.

If you are pissed off by this and need to hear someone rant about this in more detail, go here.

*This is totally true, you guys. It pisses me off that girls are not supposed to have short hair and boys generally get to have all the fun, because this shit is so much easier to work with.

What I Did Last Night

Get your minds out of the gutters, my sunny little pumpkin-heads. I went to go see of Montreal with some friends, and let me tell you, it was AMAZING. If you ever have the chance to go see them, take it, or at least get me some tickets.

Since I did so many posts on guys wearing dresses yesterday, it sort of made my day when I got there and there was a huge group of boys (obviously masculine-presenting, they were just wearing skirts) who happened to be wearing a some cool dresses. I hope they didn’t think I was making fun of them because I kept smiling at them, but only because I kept thinking “SCREW THE GENDER BINARY! WOO!”* Also, Kevin Barnes, the singer of of Montreal came on in a skirt at one point, and he was wearing makeup and girl’s clothing (or super-androgynous clothing anyway) the whole time, so it was a Night of Genderfuckery, which is my favorite kind. Anyway, I’m exhausted because I still had to go to school today so here’s a video by of Montreal to tide you over.

*They were also pretty attractive. Tip For Boys: If you want feminists to think you’re cool, wear skirts. That is a badass thing to do and we will give you da respect. Also, it is sort of hot so there.